Being a Dark Lord in the Wizarding World in the Harry Potter franchise is not as simple as doing the most evil stuff possible. There’s a 50/50 chance of getting your rear served to you on a platter by an adolescent boy and taking over a school is a lot more difficult than taking over the world. However, Voldemort just had to do it and has tried for seven years straight to no avail.
Statistically, that makes him the worst Dark Lord ever in the history of pop culture fandoms. Such an unofficial title has even made him the butt of many jokes and memes. Most of them point out his lack of olfactory organs but there are also those that highlight his failure at being a Dark Lord. So, here are 10 memes that prove Voldemort is no threat at all to a kid.
ICKY MUGGLE TECHNOLOGY
It’s too bad Voldemort hates Muggles or anything Muggle-related. Otherwise, he would have easily found a thousand and one ways how Muggles could have easily dispatched of a pre-pubescent boy. Funny enough, how Muggles fight and murder each other seems a lot more efficient than wizards or witches.
A gun would most certainly be faster than uttering Avada Kedavra. Wizarding World spells seriously need an update or a more efficient iteration if Voldemort actually wants to take over everything. In any case, Harry should consider himself lucky, Voldemort with a gun is easily unstoppable.
EDUCATION IS RATHER IMPORTANT
Here’s another reason why our bald Dark Lord keeps failing to kill Harry Potter. Voldemort just has to stay in the shadows until Potter or just about any Hogwarts student has taken their final exams for their school year. That’s how it’s always been for the first five or six books/films.
In Voldemort’s defense, he was quite a good student and thus understands the value of education. Still, it did give his enemies a lot more time to prepare themselves or even learn some spells to easily counter Voldemort’s own army. Whatever happened to nipping it in the bud?
WHO WOULDN’T OVER DANIEL RADCLIFFE?
It’s not hard to find reasons why Voldemort isn’t as menacing as say, Sauron from The Lord of the Rings or Darth Sidious from Star Wars. There’s the fact that his nemesis is a teenager who’s also careless and easily tricked. In fact, Voldemort could have easily harmed or wiped out anyone close to Harry just to isolate him but that would be too cruel now, would it?
Of course, that would be discounting all the carefully planned intricacies J.K. Rowling set in place to justify Voldemort’s obsession with Potter but nevertheless, it still makes him a laughing stock among Dark Lords.
THAT PLATFORM IS A HEALTH HAZARD
There’s no denying how dangerous Platform 9 and 3/4 can be. The sheer volume of wizards and witches going through would most likely be enough to cause a pileup or some nasty collisions. Even Ron and Harry slammed themselves flat on the Platform after it immediately closed on them.
Hence, it could be our plausible fan fiction that Voldemort flattened his nose gone after kissing Platform 9 and 3/4 nose-first. Who knows, they could have put a charm on it that bars a certain Dark Lord from entering.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN RATHER EASY
Surprisingly, a good number of people and creatures in the Wizarding World came closer to killing Harry Potter than Voldemort himself has managed. Even poor clueless Neville Longbottom thought he killed Harry because of a delayed gillyweed reaction.
Come to think of it, Barty Crouch Jr. could have easily deceived Longbottom and had him manipulate to kill Harry with the wrong weed and have him drown in the lake. Voldemort really needs to rethink his plans for endangering a teenage boy. So far the only thing he does is shoot green sparks at him.
HE EATS FABULOUS FOR BREAKFAST
After being defeated by a cheesy love spell and a baby in a crib, there’s no lower rock bottom for Voldemort, right? Well, as it turns out, he then had to spend more or less a year on an incompetent minion’s head, namely Professor Quirrell.
You can imagine it wasn’t the most pleasant experience for Voldemort since he had to have a high maintenance diet of unicorn blood, fancy expensive stuff in the Wizarding World black market. That’s a highly particular diet for a Dark Lord; Voldemort can be quite a picky eater now, is he?
GAME OVER, ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
Gotta hand it to Voldemort, though; his scheme of staying immortal is a lot better than a certain Dark Lord who turned himself into a ring that’s easily melted. Instead, Voldemort turned himself into seven trinkets or vessels. This ensured an exciting and deadly Easter Egg hunt for Potter who found out that he also was a Horcrux.
Either way, there surely were more durable materials that Voldemort could have made as a Horcrux. somehow, a diamond missed his checklist of the most indestructible items to bind his soul to. That brings us to the double meme here which also celebrates the durability of the Nokia 3310, a legend among mobile devices - something that could have ensured Voldemort’s eternal life.
HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-SEARCHED-ON-GOOGLE
Search engine algorithms are weird and can be misunderstood. That does depend on what exactly people are searching on them and as it turned out, at one point in our history, too many people searched for the fact that they hated Voldemort using their shampoo.
It’s a joke to Professor Quirrell, most likely since he’s keeping Voldemort at the back of his head (literally). Funny thing is, Quirrell is also bald, meaning none of them use shampoo. For the sake of hilarious fan fiction, however, let’s just assume Quirrell is meticulous with scalp-care and Voldemort tends to get in the way, leading to an uncomfortable bath time for the Hogwarts professor.
THAT NAME’S REALLY STARTING TO GET IMPRACTICAL
How the Wizarding World chose a name for a Dark Lord so deplorable they don’t want to mention his name is one of the most memorable (and questionable) things in Harry Potter. It’s either one of these two: “You Know Who” or “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” forget about “Dark Lord,” it’s too generic.
Anyway, could they not have at least named him something more defiant or practical? It’s like the 10 years since he has been defeated, people were still cowering in fear instead of planning up contingencies or preparing for his return. Besides, the things he did weren’t even that bad to warrant the fear attached to his moniker.
HOW DEATH EATERS RECRUIT MEMBERS
You just have to wonder how Voldemort manages to recruit anyone in his “army.” Does the job description include ganging up on a child and his friends? We do know that most of the time, they usually went with the Slytherin alumni or current members for their Death Eater pool.
That doesn’t exactly paint Slytherin in a good light and in a more logical sense, that house really should have been abolished since most Death Eaters (save for Peter Pettigrew) are Slytherins. Regardless, that sort of explains the name; they just slither in on Voldemort’s anti-Potter hate club.
